Her Last Moments
by The Other World
Summary: Halloween 1981. Harry saw that fateful day from Voldemort's eyes. Lily's perspective could be different and very interesting.


Her Last Moments

She'd had a bad feeling from the beginning of the day. The morning had been cloudy and overcast, and dread had coiled in the pit of her stomach like a heavy snake. She'd put on a happy facade for her husband, who she felt had enough reasons to be miserable without her adding to his worry.

She went through the daily motions - having breakfast, playing with Harry, talking with her husband about light, inconsequential things that were unlikely to cause any distress to either him or herself. She reminded herself that Peter was loyal and devoted to his friends, just like Sirius and Remus were - she refused to put any stock in James' and Sirius' doubts about Remus' loyalties - and that as long as Peter remained their Secret Keeper they had nothing to worry about. The Fidelius Charm had never failed, after all… And yet she was unable to shake the feeling that there was something wrong, that something was about to happen, that everything was coming to a head…

As the day went on with everything as normal, her heart lightened slightly. She was just being silly, she told herself, all those scary Halloween stories she had heard as a child were affecting her mood. She looked out of the window as she washed up the tea cups they had been using - she could see some kids running about in costumes and masks. She smiled slightly as she saw a girl dressed up as a witch, complete with green skin, warts on her nose, a toad in one hand and a broomstick in the other. She should be offended really, that muggles portrayed witches as such terrible creatures, but she remembered when Petunia and her snuggled under the covers with their mother while their father told them deliciously scary stories in the dark about witches who kidnapped children to eat them. The children had always escaped in the end in her father's stories. Lily couldn't help but wonder if in their story, the good side would triumph over the bad.

Her good mood soured again as these thoughts led to Marlene and Dorcas. They had been close in school but fighting together in the Order had made them practically inseparable. Now they were both gone, and Lily was alone, with Alice as her only girlfriend remaining… and then even Alice had to go into hiding with Frank and Neville just like she hadn't, and she only ever saw Peter and Sirius anymore. She shook her head again, but the darkness had taken over her thoughts. I can't let James see me like this, she thought fiercely. He depends on me to keep him happy and cheerful. She took a deep breath, trying to look happy even as she felt weighted down by the heaviness of her thoughts. Leaving her wand in the kitchen and settling a smile onto her place, she stepped into the living room where James was entertaining Harry, _again_, by producing colorfulsmoke while Harry laughed and tried to catch it.

Seeing them so relaxed genuinely made her smile. "James, what have I told you about putting your feet on the couch?" she inquired reprovingly even as she smiled.

"Not to do it." he sighed. "Here, Harry's tired now, I think. He's sleepy."

She shook her head in exasperation, her hair falling over her face. "I'll try to get him to sleep then, and when I come back down your feet should be on the floor, where they belong." She waggled her finger at him and took Harry as he threw down his wand on the side table, swung his feet on to the ground, and then yawned. As she turned towards the stairs, she suddenly heard a bang from the front door.

It's just Peter, she thought, even as her pulse picked up. He's heard some news and he can't bothered to ring the bell. No one else could come in. James sprinted into the hallway, and she heard his cry.

"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"

Her heart turning cold with fear, for James and Harry, and for herself, she turned and ran up the stairs with Harry in her arms. Turning away from James was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life, but Harry came first, before James and before herself. And _oh, _if You Know Who was here than the Fidelius had failed and Wormtail must have given them up, but he would never, ever betray James and even though she had never like Peter, because he was so shy and weak, he would never join the Death Eaters, but he obviously had, and so this was it, this was their final stand. They'd narrowly escaped You Know Who three times, but this time they were trapped. Her wand was in the kitchen, she remembered with a jolt of fear, and James had left his on the couch. How would he hold him off?

Lord Voldemort had obviously discovered that, because he laughed, a high pitched, cold laugh, before he voiced those hated, dreaded words: "Avada Kedavra!" She heard a body hit the floor, and she knew James hadn't been able to dodge or fight back, that James was dead, dead, dead, and You Know Who was going to kill her and Harry just like he'd killed James, she was going to die at the age of twenty two and _ohdearMerlin_ James was dead and he wasn't ever going to come back, and how could she live without him?

She'd reached Harry's nursery by now and she quickly barricaded the door even as she knew it wouldn't stop him. She hoped it would slow him down though, and give her precious few seconds to put her plan, her last plan into action, to hopefully save Harry's life even though she'd failed to protect James. She'd been planning this ever since she heard from Dumbledore that Harry had been targeted because of that prophecy, that stupid, vague prophecy. It wouldn't work if she was alive, but she had no chance of living through this night anyways, and she knew this magic could be considered dark, but she was desperate. She would do anything, anything, even dabble into questionable magic, to keep her son safe. Retrieving a dagger from the mantelpiece where she'd hidden it from both James and Harry, she made a cut on her finger and then a shallower one on Harry's. Harry's green eyes, so like hers, watched her intently. As her blood dripped down to mix with her baby's, she thought, _contego sacrificium. _Three drops of her blood mixed with Harry's, swirling golden as the cut instantly healed on his hand. She just had time to replace the dagger when the footsteps paused in front of the nursery.

She hugged Harry close to her chest, fear pouring into her heart once again, and spun around as the door blasted open - her weak barricades not even hindering for a second. At the sight of him, her knees went weak, and her breath sped up. All her friends and relatives and her husband who had died by the hand of this monster spun in front of her eyes. She would fall to his accursed wand too, of course she would, but her death at least, would not be in vain. She was willing to die a thousand times if it kept her son, her baby, her Harry safe. Fast as lightning, she placed Harry in his crib behind her, and turned so that she was facing _him, _and spread her hands in front of her, as if she could stop him from reaching Harry that way, as if that would even slow him down.

"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!" She knew it was no use, knew that Lord Voldemort was merciless and that he wouldn't be moved by her pleas, not when he had killed thousands of mothers and their children before her, muggles and witches, armed and defenseless. But she would desperate, she couldn't fight, so she would swallow her pride and beg, beg if it would spare Harry's life.

"Stand aside, you silly girl, stand aside now!" Why was he telling her to move? He hadn't given that option to James, and she was just a muggleborn when James was a pureblood. Why would he spare her? Was it a trap? Of course, it didn't even matter because her life for Harry's, that was the way the spell worked and she was prepared to give her life.

"Not Harry, please, no, take me, kill me instead —" She hated the pleading in her voice, but she would never even consider saving herself, not when it meant letting that monster near Harry. She knew her end was near, felt it pressing at her heart and soul. She'd protected Harry during her life, even giving up fighting to go into hiding even though it went against her Gryffindor sensibilities, and now her death would be the ultimate sacrifice, made stronger by the choice the wizard in front of her had offered.

"This is my last warning —"

"Not Harry! Please, have mercy, have mercy, not Harry! Not Harry! Please, I'll do anything!"

She screamed as the green light sped towards her, not because she was afraid of her death - she would see James again, and Marlene and Mary, and her parents, and the Prewetts and the Bones and the Potters - but because Harry would be alone, and what if her spell didn't work and Harry died anyways, and oh no Sirius would be blamed for their deaths because no one knew it had been Peter, and what if Harry survived but he was injured and she wouldn't get to see Harry grow up and it just wasn't _fair…_

And yet, her last emotion was one of triumph, because she _would_ prevail and Voldemort wouldn't, and because her death would be meaningful like she always wanted it to be, and because she had always known she would die, and because death was just a fact of life, and it wasn't a defeat like Voldemort thought it was.

As the green light hit her chest, her last thought was, _I love you Harry. Be safe. Please._


End file.
